Just a Crush......?
by Kimmy Michaels
Summary: Ok, this is my first posting here: Kim is a mad fan of the Hardy Boyz, especially Jeff. In fact, some people might even say she is obsessed. Then she meets her sister's new boyfriend...


JUST A CRUSH......?  
  
"Kim, Kim........can you even hear me....?"  
  
My best friend Tanya looked at me and giggled.  
"Sorry Tanya, I was miles away.......what were you saying...?"  
  
Tanya sighed. I was always drifting into day dreams and I never really heard very much of what she said to me.  
  
"Hmmmmmmm.....miles away huh? Bet I can guess who you were with....."  
  
I rested my chin in my hand and stared into space. I thought of Jeff.....my Jeff and smiled.  
  
"I wonder what he's doing right now....?" I asked myself out loud.  
  
Tanya frowned.   
  
"You really should get out more," she told me, shaking her head.  
  
"I am out," I said, swirling the straw in my chocolate milkshake. I glanced aroung the cafe and then at my watch. "Can we go please? Raw is War's on later and I don't want to miss it!!"  
  
Tanya quickly pulled on her coat and grabbed her bag from underneath the table.  
  
"Ok, Mrs Hardy, let's go," she said sarcastically.  
  
Half an hour later I was letting myself into the front door of my little English house, where I lived with my parents. I dropped my bag in the hall and dashed up the stairs to my bedroom. I closed the door behind me, kissed the poster of jeff on my wall, hung my sports jacket on the corner of my bed and let myself collapse gently onto my bed. I studied the ceiling for a few seconds. Just as my mind was beginning to switch to my usual fantasy world, there was a knock on my door.  
  
"Come in," I said sitting up.  
  
The door opened and my mum walked over. She looked a little dazed and more distant than usual. She paused in thought for a moment, looking at the Hardy boy posters that covered my bedroom's walls. She finally spoke.  
  
"Kim, your sister is back from her trip to America and....."  
  
I interrupted her and jumped to my feet.  
  
"Beth is back?! Already?! But I've got so used to having my own room! Is she staying?! I guess I'd better go say hi...."  
  
I started to leave the room but my mum grabbed my arm.  
  
"Wait......" she said, her voice shaking. What was with her tonight? "Beth has a boyfriend with her....."  
  
My eyes widened. Beth had a boyfriend?! But she was nasty and bitchy and I'd seen the way she treated guys before. She reeled them in with her stunning looks and then shot them down when she got tired of them. As I wandered down the stairs I wondered what my sister's next victim would be like. When I was mid-way down the stairs I heard my mum call to me.  
  
"Kim there's something you should know........"  
  
"Tell me later!" I shouted up the stairs. I skipped down the remaining steps and burst into the lounge in my usual boysterous fashion.   
  
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*After I entered the lounge*  
  
I saw Beth's head turn when she heard me enter. She was sat on the sofa with her back to me in between my dad and a male figure wearing a blue cap. Upon catching sight of me, Beth tottered over to me in wearing her usual ridiculously short skirt and equally ridiculously high-heeled shoes. She wrapped her arms around me and then took a small step back to look at me.  
  
"Wow!! My baby sister!! Its great to see you honey!!"  
  
~Honey?!?!~ I thought to myself. ~Why is she acting like this? Oh, I get it - the boyfriend........trying to impress him huh?~  
  
I tried to think of a way to embarass Beth in front of the latest 'love of her life' but before I could come up with any ideas, Beth dragged me around to the front of the sofa and clasped the hand of the guy who was now stood in the centre of the room. I looked around, uninterested.  
  
"Kim, this is Jeff..." Beth beamed, "Jeff Hardy, my new boyfriend"  
  
My heart skipped a beat and my fingers trembled. The name was the same..could it be.....?  
  
"Jeff.....Hardy...?" I stammered, my voice barely steady enough for anyone to tell what I was trying to say. I slowly raised my head and set my eyes on the guy who's poster I had on my wall, who I dreamed of every night,the guy who.........had his arm around my sister's waist!!  
  
How could this happen?! I had to get out of there! Jeff Hardy was in my house and I was his girlfriend's little sister!  
  
"I.....I.....have to go over to....errr......Tanya's..." I just about managed to squeak.  
  
With that, I ran from the house, grabbing my purse on the way, and I kept running until I reached the front door of my best friend's house.  
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*Tanya answered the door*  
  
"Kim...? What are you doing here....? I thought you were watching raw......." Tanya said, confused at my sudden arrival.  
  
I looked up from my shoes, my eyes slowly but surely welling with tears. Not tears of sadness, or anger.......tears of confusion. I didn't know what to do or say. How could the guy I had a major crush on be my sister's boyfriend? It just didn't seem real, was it real.....? As I was lost in my thoughts I suddenly remembered Tanya standing there and forced myself to justify my turning up on her doorstep.  
  
"Ummmmm....I just had a little argument with my sister that's all....can I er.....stay here please...?"  
  
Tanya looked at me, unconvinced, but let me into the house anyway. After saying a quick hello to each one of her parents Tanya led the way to her bedroom and I followed in silence. We sat down on her bed and I hugged my knees close to my chest, rocking back and forth. Tanya looked at me, a concerned expression on her face.  
  
"Do you wanna talk about it?" she asked me gently.  
  
"I just really need to sleep.........is that ok.....?" I replied.  
  
Tanya smiled. "Of course. I need to get to sleep early anyway, I have a training session tomorrow morning..."  
  
Tanya was a great tennis player. She worked really hard at it every day and was more committed to her tennis career than anything else in her life.  
  
But as I lay in a sleeping bag on Tanya's bedroom floor that night I wasn't sleeping. My body was tired but my mind wouldn't stop.   
  
~Was it really Jeff? How sure am I? I only glanced at him, maybe it was all a mistake.......but I think about him every day, how could I be wrong........? Those deep green eyes......his soft cheek......he even had the hair.........What do I do now? Should I go back and make sure.....? But, I love him.....don't I........? Don't be stupid Kim......its just a stupid crush, everyone has them............But how could Jeff fall for Beth........he writes poetry, she just shops all day.........is he the person I imagined him to be.........if it was him, I have to get over him.........he's gonna be my brother-in-law some day maybe.............I'm just 18, could we ever be.......STOP IT KIM!! so........tired.........~   
  
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I don't know how I got to sleep that night but I woke up at 8am and squinted around the room, my eyes still not quite awake. For a moment it seemed strange that I was at Tanya's on a Saturday morning but then I remembered the events of the night before.  
  
Having been refreshed from a night's sleep, I felt different. I was still confused about the situation but I realised that there was one thing I had to do - find out if that guy was........well, I'd just have to see.  
  
I pulled on my clothes, grabbed my purse and left for home. As I opened the front door, I was about to go get a shower when I heard some shuffling in the kitchen. Someone was making tea.......a member of MY family up at this time?! Who could it be?  
  
I wandered through the hall and into the kitchen. It was him! It was Beth's guy! I wanted to move but my legs wouldn't do as I told them. He turned around and saw me and smiled.  
  
"Oh hi there........Kim, right? You left kinda sudden last night, you missed Raw is War....." he said awkwardly.   
  
While he was thinking of something to say I studied him.....I started with his bare feet...........then up to his legs........I saw the tatoo......the dragon.......oh my god!! My eyes shot to his face........it was surrounded by a ruffled mass of purple hair......emerald green eyes were set above the curve of his nose and cheek........my heart stopped, my fingers trembled once more........there was no doubt - Jeffrey Nero Hardy was standing in my kitchen, in nothing but boxer shorts!!  
  
"So, do you watch WWF...?" he asked me dropping a tea bag into a mug. "You want some tea?"  
  
I froze, my stomach turning. Somehow I managed to steady my nerves long enough to answer, even if my voice was shaky.  
  
"Ummmmm......I do watch and.....I don't drink tea.....thanks for asking......Jeff right?"  
  
He smiled and turned around leaning on the kitchen cupboard so that he was facing me.  
  
"Well, you like the Hardyz then....?" he grinned gesturing towards himself.  
  
My breathing sped up dramatically and I could feel my heart pounding against my my ribs.   
  
~What am I supposed to say......? Yeah, I dream of you every night....? I want to marry you...? My heart leaps every time you come on the TV.....? I have a million of your posters on my wall.....?~  
  
I snapped out of my thoughts to see Jeff looking at me expectantly. I struggled to remember how to speak.  
  
"Ummm.....yeah I........great........my favourites........poetry in motion......swanton......TLC.....errr......." I frowned at myself. I was making myself out to be an even bigger idiot then I actually was!! "Yeah, you and Matt are cool," I finally managed to say. I smiled at myself with pride. I had actually constructed a sentence in front of Jeff.  
  
He walked through to the living room, tea in hand and called to me.  
  
"Wanna watch some TV with me?"  
  
"Errrrrrr.....I have to go shower and change....." I stuttered, running up the stairs. I opened my bedroom door and found Beth sprawled across my bed snoring. I sighed and opened my wardrobe, trying to decide what to wear.  
  
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*After I had showered and changed, I sat at my dressing table*  
  
I removed the towel that I had wrapped around my head and switched on my hairdryer. Beth, who was still lounging in my bed woke up and screamed irratably.  
  
"For God's sake, Kim, do you have to use that bloody noisy thing in here?! What time is it?!"  
  
"Its nearly 9am," I informed her.  
  
Beth sat up, yawned and pulled on her dressing gown, which she had tossed onto the floor beside my bed.  
  
"Well, since you're so bloody noisy, I may as well go and see what Jeff is up to." Beth grinned and studied the posters that covered my bedroom. "And if you don't mind, I'd rather you didn't have my boyfriend's picture on your wall."  
  
I tried desperately to think of something to say to shoot her down but, for the first time on this surreal day, I realised that this was the way things were. Yes, I had talked to Jeff Hardy this morning. Yes, he had made himself a cup of tea in my kitchen. Yes, he had asked me to watch TV with him........but he belonged to my sister. No matter how much I tried to fool myself into thinking that he was more mine because of the posters on my walls, or the constant daydreams, there was no more pretending. And there, in my bedroom, with my hair wet, and a hairdryer in hand, reality hit me.........and it hurt.  
  
I stood up, surprisingly calm for all my emotional pain, and proceeded to take each one of the posters down from my wall in turn, while a delighted Beth looked on. When the last of the posters had been tossed onto the heap in the centre of my room, I looked at my sister.  
  
"Better?" I asked, with a sarcastic smile, raising my eyebrows.  
  
Beth sensed the sarcasm in my voice and stepped right up to me so that we were toe-to-toe.  
  
"Listen, Kim. You can dream all you want but he's mine. I've got him wrapped around my little finger. I've got his money, his body, his power.......he's even taking a break from wrestling to be with me," she whispered aggressively.  
  
I looked her right in her baby blue eyes and reminded her, "you have Jeff as well y'know."  
  
Beth left for the bathroom and I stood in front of the mirror in my room, some sort of anger boiling inside me. She was using him, using my hero, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.  
  
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As the days passed by, I got used to sleeping on the floor of my bedroom, while Beth was occupying my bed.  
  
Soon, I began to realise that Jeff was just an ordinary guy with a job that meant a lot of people knew who he was. He changed from being the celebrity I dreamed of to my sister's boyfriend who I dreamed of. And Beth made sure I knew it. She never left his side. Whenever Jeff even thought of speaking to me, she would cleverly position herself on his arm, her eyes glinting spitefully. This meant that I didn't have a chance to talk to Jeff again until a sunny afternoon 2 weeks after he had first arrived on my sofa. Not that I wanted to talk to him. Just the thought of having to be alone with him was enough to make me blush.  
  
I had been helping Tanya, who I still hadn't told about Jeff, practice her tennis down at the park when I had tripped. I had put my arm out to break the fall and landed with all my body's weight on my right hand. It hurt like hell but I had heroically told Tanya it was no big deal and walked home alone while she perfected her serve. The pain was so great that by the time I reached my front door I was near hysterical, tears streaming down my face.  
  
As I tried clumsily with my left hand to put my key in the door, it was opened by Jeff who, upon seeing the state I was in, quickly brought me into the lounge. My dad was at work and Beth had gone clothes shopping with my mum so only Jeff was in the house.  
  
"Are you ok?" he asked frantically, sitting beside me on the sofa.  
  
The pain was too bad for me to worry about my crush and I spoke naturally, without even thinking who I was talking to.  
  
"No.........my arm...........shit!! It hurts so much, I think I broke it!!" I said, pinning my right arm against my stomach with my left hand.  
  
Jeff reached over and pulled my left hand away, exposing my right arm.   
  
"Ok, now don't panic, I'll try to be gentle.....just let me see...." As he said this he gently took my right arm and supported it at the wrist with both his hands. He frowned and looked up at me.  
  
"Its swollen a lot.....can you move it? I know it hurts but just give it a try......"  
  
I tried to move my wrist but all I got was a sharp stabbing pain in my arm. I screamed and clutched my right arm.  
  
"Shit!! I cried out, "It really hurts!"  
  
Jeff ran his hand over his hair, which was tied back for a moment, as if he was thinking and then peeled off his T-shirt. He told me to keep still and tied it over my neck, forming a little sling to rest my arm in.  
  
"This should help until we get to the hospital," he said, a reassuring smile on his face.  
  
"H........hospital....?" I asked, gulping. I hated hospitals, all the coughing and sneezing. All the waiting. As far as I was concerned it was a place of death, and I always avoided visiting them if I could. A look of fear came to my eyes.  
  
"Hey, relax. I don't like them either but we have to get you there soon and get that arm seen too. If I can do it, so can you!" he told me, that reasuring smile still glowing.  
  
He lead me to his car and opened the door for me to sit in the passenger seat. I struggled into the car, with just one arm and he closed the door behind me. He jogged around the front of the car and climbed in to find me trying to work out how the hell I could get my seat belt on with only one arm.  
  
"Here, let me help....." he said. He reached across my body and pulled the seat belt over and fastened it. "There ya go. Ok now? Or would you rather sit in the back?"  
  
"Ummmm........I'm fine......" I decided.  
  
"Ok then, we're ready to go," Jeff said, fastening his own seat belt and starting the car.  
  
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*When Jeff and I arrived at the hospital we were sitting in the waiting room side-by-side*  
  
As we waited for the doctor to call my name, we were silent. I had been given some aspirin by a nurse and, with the pain of my arm dulled, I felt awkward once again. We sat there in silence until Jeff decided enough was enough.  
  
"You don't like me do you?" he asked quietly, sitting up in his chair and turning towards me.  
  
I felt my stomach jump and a sick feeling in my chest. I could feel my face getting hotter, redder. I didn't know what to say, but there was no need to say anything because Jeff continued.  
  
"I don't know what I've done, but you've been giving me the cold shoulder since I got here. You left the house that night when we first met, you always have something better to do when I try to talk to you. If you don't mind, I think I deserve to know why. After all, I am planning to ask your sister to marry me tonight at dinner," he said.  
  
"M.......marry......Beth?" I asked, my throat so tight I could barely speak.  
  
Jeff looked at me.  
  
"Yeah, I guess so. She's pretty, she loves me...........why not?"  
  
My heart was pounding against my ribs in panic. Marry Beth?! How could he.............she didn't love him....she loved his money and his body and his power, she had told me so.....but she didn't love Jeff!! From somewhere deep within me I summoned some kind of bravery that I had not been able to find for the past 2 weeks and I grabbed Jeff's bare arm.  
  
"You can't marry Beth, Jeff!! She's all wrong for you......she's all wrong for anyone who thinks she loves them. Look, she's my sister and I know her better than anyone else, and I know that she........she..........."  
  
I looked into Jeff's eyes. He looked so innocent and unaware of Beth's intentions. He really was her victim. Before it had been a joke, something to make fun of my sister who had totured me for all those years, but now I saw that there was no better way to describe their relationship. She was nothing more than a man-eater, and Jeff was next on the menu. But I wouldn't let that happen, only over my dead body would she marry him. I might not be able to have Jeff, but I would make damn sure that she didn't.  
  
"She........she's using you Jeff," I said, completing my sentence. Now that I had started there was no stopping me, I continued, hardly remembering to take a breath. "She told me, she said that she has your money, she said you're wrapped around her little finger........."  
  
Jeff pulled my one good hand off his arm and stood up.  
  
"Do you really expect me to believe this crap?!" he said. He seemed more upset than angry. "If you don't want me to be part of your family then why can't you just say so, instead of making up these lies, these stories?! Do you know what, I'm just gonna go wait in the car. You can come get in when you've seen the doctor. I don't wanna sit here and listen to this."  
  
With that, Jeff, still wearing only his sports pants, as his T-shirt was still working as my sling, left for his car and I sat alone on my seat as people stared at me. I just wanted to be swallowed by a hole in the ground. Luckily, I was saved when I heard the doctor's voice.  
  
"Kim, would you like to come through please?"  
  
As I walked towards the X-Ray room, all I could think of was Jeff.   
  
~Did I upset him? Why doesn't he believe me? How can I make him believe me? This isn't about my crush anymore........its about justice. I've watched him for 2 weeks, I've listened to every word he's said...........he isn't the person I thought he was, he's better. He's sweet and generous and funny...........and he deserves better than Beth. I need to make him see that she isn't right for him.......but how? ~  
  
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*My arm was broken. Two hours later, when it had been plastered up, I returned to the car, where Jeff was waiting. I climbed in, but he didn't start the car, instead he turned to me*  
  
"Its broken then?" he asked.  
  
I was surprised that he still had any concern for my welfare after the bitterness I had sensed earlier.  
  
"Yeah," I said, not even able to look at him. "I have to wear the plaster for 6 weeks."  
  
"Oh," Jeff said. He seemed to have cooled down a little. "Well, I have to go pick up a ring for Beth........how 'bout I treat you to some ice cream or something on the way home?"  
  
"Sure if you want to," was my reply.  
  
Jeff started the car and we set off down the motorway. A few minutes later, we stopped outside a small jewellers and Jeff left me in the car while he entered. He emerged soon after carrying a small cube-shaped box. He climbed into his seat and handed it to me.  
  
"What do you think?" he said, smiling for the first time since our 'argument' in the hospital.  
  
I slowly lifted the lid of the box, which was covered with red velvet. There, sitting in the case was a beautiful golden ring with tiny diamonds glittering all over it.  
  
"Its........beautiful," I told him, still holding the case in my hand.  
  
He looked happy and and took it from my hand.   
  
"I'm glad you like it," he said, placing it in his pocket.  
  
It occured to me at that moment that Jeff's nature was so warm that he couldn't stay mad at anyone, not even someone who he thought had tried to ruin his wedding plans. I sighed as I watched him start up the car and found myself wishing that the ring had been for me.  
  
~If only things were different...........maybe if he wasn't with Beth, things would have been different. What would have happened if we'd met somewhere else........I wonder......? If only.........~  
  
Before I had time to think about it any more, we were parked outside a little outdoor cafe, surrounded by oak benches and matching tables.  
  
"This looks like a nice place," Jeff said, "let's check it out."  
  
We got out of the car and walked over to an empty table. I sat down and picked up a menu. They had everything you could want on a hot summer day.......there were sandwiches, drinks, ice creams, ice lollies, cakes.........I was spoilt for choice.   
  
"What're ya havin'?" Jeff asked cheerfully.  
  
"Ummmmmmmmm.........a chocolate sundae sounds good, if that's ok," I said politely.  
  
Jeff smiled.   
  
"Chocolate Sundae it is then, I'll just go get them."  
  
As I sat at the table waiting I couldn't help but smile. When I got home I would have to face reality once again. Beth would be there at Jeff's side and I would look on enviously. I would have to watch her set him up for a fall. But now, at this moment, it was just me and Jeff. For a while I would be the centre of his attention. I could imagine for a while that things were different, that I wasn't his girlfriend's sister.......just a girl.  
  
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*Jeff carried over two chocolate sundaes and placed them on the table. As we began to eat them, we started talking*  
  
"So, what do you want to do, Kim?" Jeff asked, looking up. "I mean, in life....y'know, careers and stuff?"  
  
I thought for a moment. I hadn't really taken much notice of career advisors and at the moment I was happy with my shop assistant job.  
  
"Ummmmm........I haven't really thought about it. I want to travel first, see the world. England isn't really the place for me. The more I see, the more I know I don't belong here." I told him.  
  
I was surprised at how open and honest I was being, more so than I had ever been with anyone in my entire life. I wasn't afraid of Jeff anymore. I felt I could tell him anything and I didn't know why, but I wanted him to know about me, I wanted to give him an insight into my soul.  
  
"I like to sing, and write........mostly poetry. I tried to write songs but......I just can't"  
  
Jeff took a scoop from his ice cream and grasped my hand.  
  
"Of course you can, you just need the right inspiration. Do your family know about your poetry?" he said.  
  
"No," I told him. "Nobody knows, they are private......."  
  
"A shame. I was looking forward to seeing some, being a poet myself," he said, his hand still on mine.  
  
I pulled my hand from underneath his and looked at the floor.  
  
"My family don't know much about me really. I don't think they're really interested........but I don't mind. I guess life is like that sometimes," I said.  
  
Jeff smiled at me and I looked into his deep green eyes and got lost in their mysterious glow. But then I realised that he was looking right back into my eyes and turned away.  
  
We sat there, on those benches in the afternoon sun for hours. We talked about anything and everything. I told him things I had never told anyone and he did the same. I felt like I had finally found my soul mate and as we sat sun bathing on the soft grass I forgot that he was a WWF star, or my sister's boyfriend. And for the first time since he had arrived, I was happy.  
  
I didn't want to leave that moment. I could have stayed there forever and never grown tired of hearing his stories, and telling him mine. But all too soon Jeff glanced at his watch and a look of horror spread across his face.  
  
"Jesus!! Its 5pm, we've been sat here for 3 hours!!" he exclaimed, diving to his feet. "We gotta go, Beth'll be back soon and she's gonna freak!!"  
  
I slowly climbed to my feet and reality once again slapped me in the face. When we got back to the house Beth would be waiting for us. She would be in Jeff's arms and I would be alone. I walked to the car, trying my hardest to mask my misery.  
  
"I had fun today, Jeff. Thanks," I said, forcing a smile.  
  
"I know, so did I," he sighed. "I haven't talked so much in a long time, or listened."  
  
I was confused by his dissappointed tone of voice. Was it possible that he didn't want to go back either? Could it be that he had felt the same contentment and happiness that I had this afternoon?  
  
We drove back to the house without saying a word to one another, but this time our silence was comfortable. Jeff switched on the radio but I don't know what songs played, I was too deeply submerged in my thoughts to listen to anything.  
  
~Today was so great. We talked like we'd known eachother for years, I wasn't even nervous. I wonder why.........maybe I've got over my crush.........yeah, that's it!! But he seemed disappointed too......maybe he enjoyed today as much as me.........what would Beth say if she knew about today? We haven't done anything wrong, so why do I feel so different? I feel like I really know him.......but tonight he's gonna ask Beth to..........what can I do......should I even do anything at all?~  
  
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*We arrived back at the house to find it still empty. Jeff sat down in front of the TV and I went to my room to read a book. The whole family returned and I told them all about my arm and by 6pm we were sat at the dinner table. Jeff would soon ask Beth to marry him and I was running out of time*  
  
I sat at the dinner table with my family and Jeff, who was seated next to Beth and across from me. I was trying to master the art of eating with only one arm and it wasn't easy. To make matters worse, my concentration was on Jeff. Every time he moved I felt my chest tighten with the thought of this being the moment that he would take the tiny box from his pocket and hand it to Beth, who - as usual - was at the centre of the conversation.  
  
"I saw the most gorgeous skirt in New Look........" she rambled about her shopping trip. "It was sky blue with little flowers along the edges. I almost bought it but then........."  
  
She continued speaking but I didn't continue listening. Instead I made a swirly pattern in my mashed potatoes with my fork and then smoothed it out again repeatedly. I was interrupted from my artistic activity by a sharp whisper, just about audible beneath Beth's voice.  
  
"Kim.....Kim....." it said. I looked up to see that the voice belonged to Jeff. "Could you pass the salt please?" he asked. I hadn't exactly expected much but I was disappointed that Jeff hadn't actually wanted to have a conversation with me. I grabbed the salt with my healthy hand and grinned.   
  
"Catch!" I said playfully as I tossed it into the air. Unfortunately, I wasn't too good with my left hand and the salt shaker landed upside down in the heap of mashed potatoe piled on Beth's plate.  
  
My parents and Beth immediately turned their heads, first to Beth's plate and then to me. I bit my lip and looked at them apologetically.  
  
"Ooooops... sorry, Beth," I said, trying to sound as sincere as possible.  
  
The air in the room seemed to get colder until the silence was broken by a giggle from Jeff's direction. I looked at him, as did everyone else. His laughter was infectious, well, at least to me it was. We both glanced at the angry expression on m sister's face, then at eachother and became hysterical with laughter, our eyes almost brimming with tears.  
  
When we finally calmed down, Beth gave me an icy stare, which was filled with so much resentment that I shrunk backwards into my chair to escape it. By this time, my parents were seated in the lounge, having finished their meals. She removed the shaker from her plate and stared at it with distaste. She then dropped it onto the table cloth and looked at me.  
  
"Well, I shouldn't really expect anything else from a kid like you," she sneered, looking at Jeff to see his reaction. But all she saw was him twiddling his thumbs with boredom, not really listening to her at all. "Don't you agree, Jeff?" Beth said tapping his arm.  
  
Jeff looked up. "Huh? What you sayin'?" he asked.  
  
"I was just telling Kim that I couldn't expect anything better from a kid like her........" Beth repeated, trying to hide her frustration.  
  
Jeff made circles on the table cloth with the tips of his fingers and replied to Beth without even looking at her.  
  
"Well, it was just an accident. Besides, it was pretty funny and er......she's nearly 19, not really a kid," he said.  
  
I could feel myself smiling inside, although I didn't dare let Beth see my delight at Jeff shooting her down. She quickly stood up from her seat and pushed it to one side.  
  
"Fine then, stick up for HER why don't you?" she screamed angrily.  
  
"Don't you think you're over-reacting a little? I was just saying......." Jeff began.  
  
"No I don't think I'm over-reacting!! I'm going to bed!! I'll see you in the morning and we can discuss this without my stupid little sister in the way," Beth said. She slammed the dining room door behind her and I heard her stomp up the stairs in a rage, leaving Jeff and I alone at the table.  
  
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"Sorry," I said quietly, looking at Jeff. "I didn't know it would cause so much trouble"  
  
Jeff laughed quietly.  
  
"Its ok, its not your fault. I don't know what's wrong with her lately. She doesn't seem to want to spend much time with me........we never talk. I think she's getting sick of me," he told me, his chin on his chest as he released a heavy sigh. Then he looked at me and smiled. He took in a deep breath as if building his courage. "Today I was thinking that maybe I.........never mind."  
  
My stomach began to turn with nerves, with anticipation of what he was trying to tell me.  
  
"What were you thinking?" I whispered.  
  
Jeff stood up and tucked his seat under the table. He looked me in the eye and I looked right back. I was sure I saw the beginnings of a tear, glistening amongst the emerald glow of his eyes as he continued, his voice shaking.  
  
"I was thinking..........and wondering if I...........chose the wrong sister," he finally managed to say. As soon as he had let these words escape his mouth, he left the room, without looking back.  
  
I sat alone at the table, my heart once again pouding, my hands beginning to tremble.  
  
~Chose the wrong sister.........? Does he mean Beth? And was he trying to say he wishes he and I were..........instead.....?! But, I don't have a crush anymore..............I don't daydream........I just want to be with him, spend time with him...............I............~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
*The next day I didn't go to work because of my arm. Once again, Jeff and I were alone in the house*  
  
At 10am I skipped down the stairs wearing my denim shorts and a yellow vest top (and, of course, the plaster cast on my arm!) and entered the lounge. It was another lovely sunny day and I was in a happy, if confused, mood, still wondering what exactly Jeff had meant the night before. I saw him slumped on the sofa, looking depressed. I decided not to mention what he had said the night before and tried to act as natural as I could.  
  
"Good morning!" I chirped, sitting on the sofa beside him. "Its a beautiful day, you should be out in the fresh air, not festering in here!"  
  
"I don't really feel like doing anything today, thanks anyway" he said in a miserable voice.  
  
I looked at him with concern and talked quieter so as not to intimidate him with my cheerful mood.  
  
"You wanna talk about it?" I asked gently. "You know, I always say........a problem shared is a problem halved."  
  
Jeff considered this for a minute and then began to speak in a slightly shaky voice.  
  
"Last night," he began, swallowing. "After I left the table..........I went to talk to Beth and she...." He looked up at the ceiling and I could see tears beginning to find their way to his eyes. "She told me I shouldn't stick up for you, because I was her's and not your's. When I told her we were friends she exploded.......I....." A single tear trickled down his cheek. In a few seconds it was followed by many others. "I'm sorry....." he said, apologising for his sudden burst of emotion.  
  
I softly placed my hand on his shoulder. "Is ok," I reassured him. "Its ok to cry, Jeff."  
  
He sniffed a little and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. I had never seen a grown man cry before, and it didn't surprise me that is was Beth who had reduced him to this. The sight was so sad that I almost found myself joining in, with anger, and sympathy, and frustration that I couldn't stop him hurting all at once.  
  
"She told me that she didn't need me and............and she has been.............some guy she met when she was shopping a few weeks ago.......they..........when we were at the hospital..............she said that your mum knows and................" he stammered before bursting into tears, this time more emotional than before. He looked so vulnerable and small. I had never seen this side of him before. Anger towards my sister once again boiled inside of me. How could she do this to him?! She wouldn't get away with it!!  
  
I put my arms around him and he burrowed his face in my shoulder. I patted him gently on his back, as I felt his body move with each distraught breath he took in. He didn't let go but clung tight to me, maybe for comfort, maybe for some kind of safety or security.....I didn't know which. All that mattered was that he was hurt and I would do anything to help heal his wounds, to see him smile again. He finally stopped crying and I fetched him a tissue.  
  
"Thanks, Kim," he sniffed.  
  
"Don't mention it, Jeff" I replied, smiling. "Want to come sit in the garden for a while? The weather's nice today and it'll make you feel better."  
  
"Yeah, ok," was his answer. He just about managed a shaky smile as he said it.  
  
A minute or two later we were both sat on a long wooden bench on the patio. I was reading a WWF magazine, while Jeff stared into space, sipping a glass of lemonade, which I had insisted he have.  
  
But my thoughts weren't on the magazine, they were on Jeff and my sister.  
  
~I can't believe she would cheat on him!! And why does she not want me to be friends with him? I will make her pay for what she has done to Jeff. She doesn't deserve to have him. But how do I feel about him? I don't have my crush anymore but I still care so much about him.............and I want him........I want him to be mine...........~  
  
And there, as I sat in the garden I realised something that would change my life forever.............I different because my feelings for Jeff were no longer just a crush........I loved him and I was in love with him...........it was as simple as that.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
As I was sitting there, shocked at what I had just discovered about myself, I heard Jeff's voice, still a little shaky from the tears, but also with a hint of laughter in it.  
  
"Kim, look........quick before it moves........" he half-whispered.  
  
I put down my magazine and looked across to see Jeff pointing at his leg. A butterfly was resting on his skin. It was pure white and its wings fluttered slightly as it rested there. I slid up the bench to get a closer look, until I was right next to Jeff.  
  
"Wow....." I said, a sense of wonder in my voice. "I love butterflies, don't you? They're so graceful and peaceful. I like to call them flutterbys........"  
  
Just then, the tiny creature took of into the air and danced over the fence as we both watched. Jeff turned to me and smiled.  
  
"You really like them huh?" he asked.  
  
"I love them...." I beamed back. "I always have, I don't know why..."  
  
"Well, I'll get you one some day," he said, "I promise." He stroked my cheek gently with back of his fingers. Surprised by his sudden touch, I grasped his hand, gently pulled it away from my skin and stood up.  
  
"I'm hungry," I lied, trying to justify my moving away so quickly. I began to slowly walk towards the house but Jeff stood up and put his hand on my arm, gently turning me round to face him. He looked me up and down, studying every inch of my body with those dreamy eyes, which finally came into contact with my own.  
  
"Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?" he asked, his deep voice making every nerve in my body tremble.  
  
"........No......." I whispered. I had always lived in my sister's shadow. Upon seeing Beth, any man would immediately divert their attention to her.   
  
"Well, you are.........." he said, positioning each one of his hands on my hips, causing my heart to beat with such force that I felt sure it would smash through my rib cage at any second. "..........you're golden brown hair that shimmers in the sunlight, your rose red lips, your deep brown eyes...............the way you are always there for anyone when they need you........the way you skip down the stairs in the morning.............the way the room becomes warmer and lighter when you enter........I've watched you since I got here.........I was right yesterday, I did choose the wrong sister......."  
  
I turned away from him shyly and tried half-heartedly to escape his arms, but he pulled me closer to him and spoke again, this time whispering into my ear.  
  
"Kim, I don't want Beth.........I want you..........I need you."  
  
He slipped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled my lips onto his. At first I resisted but, as he slipped his tongue into my mouth I couldn't fight him anymore. I returned every bit of passion that he gave to me, as his hands explored my body.  
  
It was several minutes before our lips parted. I hugged him close to me, my heart still pounding in my chest. I was more happy than I had ever imagined I could be. But then I thought about Beth and what would happen when she found out. And a single, simple question danced around my mind.  
  
~What happens now?~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
*A few minutes later I was sat on the bench once again, beside Jeff*  
  
We rested in eachother's arms, with a silent contentment. I finally found it within myself to ask Jeff the all-important question.  
  
"Jeff........" I began, nervously. "What happens now? What about Beth, and my parents...........I can't stay here........."  
  
Jeff stood up, leaving me on the bench. He ran his hand over his hair, as he always did when he was thinking and then he smiled. He grasped both my hands and pulled me up so that I was standing facing him.  
  
"Come to Cameron with me," he said excitedly. "My dad and Matt will love you and I wanna be with you."  
  
I couldn't help but smile, even though I was nervous about the whole idea.   
  
"What do we do until then?" I asked him.  
  
"Until I can get us a flight home, we'll have to hide it from your family. I'm gonna tell Beth its over and book into a hotel for a night or two. Don't worry, it won't be long. Just promise you'll come with me," he said eagerly, looking into my eyes.  
  
"I promise," I nodded sincerely.  
  
We spent the rest of the afternoon simply enjoying eachother's company. We talked, drank a lot of lemonade, sunbathed, even played badminton over the washing line. But when it got to 5pm it was time to begin our act, to pretend we hadn't shared the tender kiss in the sunshine, that I hadn't promised to leave with him.  
  
We got ready for my family's return to the house. Jeff switched on the TV and started to watch some program about crocodiles while I curled up on a nearby chair and studied a WWF magazine.  
  
"How are you going to tell her?" I asked looking up from an article titled 'The come-back kid' and peering out of the window to make sure that none of my family were walking down the garden path.  
  
" I dunno......" Jeff said thoughtfully. "I guess I'll just come right out and say it, no hesitation, as soon as she walks through that door." He gestured towards the front door of the house by tilting his head in its direction.  
  
I got up from my seat, nervous but I didn't know why.   
  
"In that case.........I think I'm gonna go to my room where its safe," I giggled. I brushed the side of Jeff's face with my hand as I passed him on my way upstairs and he took it gently and kissed it.  
  
"Probably best," he sighed, releasing my hand.  
  
I had been sat in my room, listening to some music, when I heard a faint noise that sounded like the front door closing. I crept across to my CD player, so that the creaking floorboards wouldn't give my game away, and turned the volume to low. I could hear what sounded like Jeff's voice say something calmly. There was silence for a while and then I heard and unmistakable noise. It was Beth squealing something like "Fine then, just get your things and go! You'll soon come crawling back!" I smiled. Jeff had done it, he'd escaped and, unknown to my sister, he was taking me with him. Then, I turned the volume on my CD player back up and lay back on my bed, excited as I thought of boarding the plane to Cameron with Jeff.   
  
I guessed that Beth would still be in a foul mood after what had happened earlier so I didn't dare leave my room until dinner time. Until then, I occupied myself by imagining the scene as I met Jeff at the airport in just a few days.  
  
~I'll wear a little sports dress and have my hair loose........I'll arrive in a taxi and see him waiting there at the entrance with nothing but his sports bag. He'll take my suitcase and we'll hand our tickets in..........and finally we'll board the plane, and he'll put his hand on mine and we'll take off.........to a new life.......together.......~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
*After dinner that evening, during which Beth had listed all Jeff's bad qualities and tried to convince us that he would soon come crawling back, I invited Tanya to my house. We went to my room to talk*  
  
The past few weeks had been so chaotic that I had really spent very little time with Tanya. I decided that I needed to tell her I was leaving to give me a chance to say goodbye, in case I had to rush off unexpectedly. I had explained about my arm on the phone, so when she arrived at my house she didn't mention it, apart from asking if she could sign the plaster.  
  
Tanya was lay across my bed, looking at her nails and frowning. Then she looked around my room and turned to me, confused.  
  
"What happened to all your posters of Jeff?" she asked.  
  
I was sat on a chair next to my dressing table. I had forgotten that Tanya knew nothing about Jeff and Beth and me. I considered not telling her and making up some lame excuse about Beth not liking WWF. But then I realised that she was my best friend and I really should have already told her. Then it occurred to me that when I left for Cameron with Jeff I probably wouldn't see her for a long time, if I ever did see her again.  
  
"Tanya, I have to go away, I'm going to America," I said. "My parents don't know yet so try to keep it to yourself, ok?" I looked at the floor.  
  
"Are you serious?" Tanya asked in a voice of disbelief.  
  
I looked at her and nodded silently.  
  
"I've never been more serious in my life," I said, now staring into space.  
  
Tanya looked a little upset and spoke in a slightly squeaky voice.  
  
"When?" she asked me.  
  
I sighed. "Soon, we haven't set a date yet........."  
  
Tanya seemed puzzled by my choice of pronoun.  
  
"We.........?" she questioned, raising her eyebrows.  
  
I took a deep breath.  
  
"If I told you something unbelievable, would you believe me?" I asked, wondering whether I should make the effort to tell Tanya about Jeff and then convince her that it was true. I decided that she deserved to know.  
  
"I'll try," Tanya nodded, smiling.  
  
I walked over to the door, opened it slightly, and peered out to make sure that none of my family, especially Beth, were within ear shot. Seeing that the coast was clear, I sat down on the chair once again. Tanya watched me twirl my hair, waiting and wondering what this great secret could be.  
  
"Ok.............Beth came back from America and.............." I began.  
  
About half an hour later I had given Tanya the highlights of the past few weeks since Jeff had arrived, starting with the night I had returned to find him in my lounge, right up to the events of that afternoon. By the time I had finished, Tanya was convinced that I was telling the truth (luckily Tanya wasn't a person who it was hard to convince of anything). She sat there, her mouth partially open from amazement. She finally stood up and looked at her watch.  
  
"I have to go now," she said, trying to be as casual as possible, which was hard considering what I had just told her.   
  
She walked over and hugged me, tears in her eyes.  
  
"I'm gonna miss you........" she sniffed. We both burst into tears as we stood there.  
  
"I'm gonna miss you too....." I wailed. "Believe me, if I could take you with me I would, but I can't. I'm 19 in 2 weeks.........its time I grew up and left home."  
  
Tanya stepped back and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her blue sweater.  
  
"Good luck!" she beamed at me. I could see the sincerity in her eyes. "Invite me to your wedding," she giggled.  
  
I giggled back, although I was still sniffing a little from the tears.  
  
"Well, I don't think that'll be soon.......but I'll call you when it happens," I said, drying my eyes.  
  
~I'm going to miss her..........there aren't many things I'll miss about this place, but I'll miss Tanya..........but its worth it, to be with Jeff..........I'd give anything to be with him.......we're gonna be so happy together...~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*The next day*  
  
The next day my family were all out at work. Beth had got herself a job as a waitress to fund her hobby of clothes shopping and I, unable to work as I wasn't much use with a single functional arm, was left alone in the house. I had grown used to seeing Jeff about.........sat on the sofa when I walked downstairs in the morning.........making himself a sandwich around lunch time.................doing press ups in the garden..........it was strangely silent without him. The hours passed by slowly but I comforted myself with the thought that some day I might wake up beside Jeff each morning and some day I would come home to him in the evenings.  
  
The hours passed me by slowly as I tried to speed them up by reading, watching TV, anything I could think of. All the time anticipating the phone call or the knock on the door that would be the beginning of my new life. A new life where I could hold Jeff wherever and whenever I wanted.  
  
At the end of the day, there had still been no phone call. With Jeff gone, my parents had decided it would be best if I slept on the sofa, rather than on the floor of "Beth's" room. Too tired and preoccupied with thoughts of my future to argue, I found myself curled up under a blanket on the sofa. Once again I could only think about one person - Jeff.  
  
~Why hasn't he called.......? I'm sure he'll call tomorrow......he said a day or 2.......he has to plan the flight, tell his family we'll be arriving.............everything's fine........he made me promise to go with him..........I'm so nervous but I have to go....what if it doesn't work out.........it WILL work out.......I'm sleepy.....~  
  
The next few days seemed to melt into one long day, one long day of waiting for Jeff, of waiting for my ticket to freedom. Every time the phone rang I would leap up from my seat, each time there was a tapping at the front door I would dive to answer it. And every time my hopes would be shattered, and i would return to my seat on the sofa, dissappointed. By the time a week had passed and I had heard nothing from Jeff, the dream of our life together that had once burned brightly inside me was now a dim light in the darkness of my rapidly growing doubt that I would ever see Jeff's eyes look into mine again. By the time Saturday morning came, just little over a week since Jeff had left the house, and me, behind I was depressed. At 11am I was still slumped on the sofa in my night clothes. I miserably reached for the TV remote and switched on Smackdown. I watched the show in a kind of trance, not with the same concentration and enthusiasm I usually had.  
  
Just as the show was coming to an end, Beth entered the lounge and stood in front of the TV, studying what looked like a letter. She was wearing her coat and carrying a small black hand bag. She looked at me, stufing the blue envelope into her pocket.  
  
"I'm going shopping," she said. "You can tidy the kitchen while I'm out. Mum and dad have already gone out. Make sure the house is clean when they come back."  
  
Cleaning the kitchen was supposed to be Beth's job, but I wasn't in a state to protest, and she knew it.  
  
As if I was in auto-pilot, I washed the dishes without even thinking about it.  
  
~How could I have been so stupid.................?........Did I really think that he could be committed to me after just a kiss.................?!.....He's not coming back.......what do I do now?~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
*Saturday night at dinner*  
  
I sat at the table, not really feeling much like eating anything. I played my fork in the pasta lay on my plate and sighed. Beth had not yet returned from her shopping trip. I figured there was probably an unmissable sale on shoes somewhere. Mid-way through the meal, Beth came bursting through the door of the dining room in excitement, a huge smile on her face.  
  
"You will never guess what just happened to me!" she grinned, throwing her bag to one side and sitting on a chair.  
  
I looked up from my pasta to see Beth had my parents' full attention, as usual.  
  
"I was out shopping and this woman came up to me," she continued. "And she said she was a scout for a modelling agency." At this point Beth's smile grew even wider. "She wants me to have a test photo shoot next Sunday!!" Beth squealed with delight.  
  
My mum immediately jumped up from her seat and hugged Beth tight. I decided that no one had realised next Sunday was my 19th birthday.  
  
"Oh, darling that's wonderful!" she beamed. "I always told you how beautiful you were didn't I?"  
  
I forced a smile in Beth's direction and then went back to my pasta. I wasn't surprised. Things always went Beth's way it seemed to me. She was everything I wasn't, she had long slim legs and a great figure. She was tall and had wavy blonde hair that reached her shoulders and baby blue eyes. I, on the other hand, wasn't small but definately not tall. My legs were a little stumpy, although I was pretty slim and I had brown hair and eyes to match.  
  
Needless to say, the rest of the conversation that night was centered around Beth and I half-listened as she was showered in compliments and my parents asked her all kinds of questions. However, in the midst of all this, Beth said something that sparked my interest.  
  
"Well, I'll bet Jeff will be sorry he left me soon," she grinned looking around the table. I had lifted my head upon hearing Jeff's name. Then she fixed her eyes on me, a smirk on her face. "I bet he's already found someone else anyway. In fact, I bet he's with her right now, it wouldn't surprise me if he's living with her."  
  
I looked into Beth's eyes. They had a menacing gleam to them. Silence fell around the table.  
  
"Don't you think so, Kim?" Beth asked me, her voice seemed colder than usual.  
  
All the eyes of my family shot towards me expectantly. I couldn't understand Beth's sudden interest in my opinion and I didn't like it one bit.  
  
"Err.....I dunno," I finally said, swallowing.  
  
Satisfyed with this response, my family continued their conversation. I took my plate into the kitchen and wandered up the stairs to what was still officially my room unoticed.  
  
I lay on the bed and stared at the plastered white ceiling. I wanted to cry, but I held back the tears. I didn't want Beth to have the satisfaction of knowing she had hurt me.  
  
~Why is she acting like this.....? Does she know....? No, she couldn't.....and anyway, what would it matter if she did...........its over..........he's changed his mind.......what do I do now?~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
*It was Friday night and I still hadn't heard from Jeff. I sat down on the sofa to watch Raw is War. My parents were there as well, chattering in the background about Beth's photo shoot, just 2 days away. Beth had gone out with some guy, I guessed it was the guy she had cheated on Jeff with*  
  
I was already wearing my pyjamas as I settled down to watch Raw. I held my knees close to my chest and rested my chin on them. I found it hard to concentrate. I think there was a match for the women's title though. And then I heard it. The Hardy Boys' music blasted through the PA system. My heart began pounding. I looked away from the TV screen, but that wasn't enough to hide myself from the truth I dreaded. I heard Lilian Garcia's voice announcing the match.  
  
"The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, form Cameron North Carolina, at a combined weight of 240 pounds.....Matt and Jeff the Hardy Boyz!!"  
  
My heart stopped for a moment and I looked up at the screen. There he was, Jeff was back in the USA, he'd gone back without me. There must have been noise around me, but in my mind, all was silent. I felt the tears trying to escape my eyes. I rushed up the stairs, getting surprised looks from both my parents on the way - I never missed Raw.  
  
I dashed into my room and locked the door behind me. I stumbled, letting myself fall to the floor and lay there as tear after tear ran down my face. Any small hopes I had still held of Jeff taking me away with him had been shattered. He had left, he was back where he belonged without me, and the truth was right there on my own TV screen. All the dreams I had of us being together, all the illusions I had of how happy we would be were gone.....forever. I clutched the soft carpet with my nails and cryed for what seemed like hours. I sobbed until I couldn't anymore.   
  
By the time I got to my feet, my eyes were red and my head ached. My hair was tangled and twisted and I seated myself, trembling, at my dressing table. I heard Beth let herself into the house and then my parents' voices greeting her. I pulled open the top drawer of my dressing table to get a comb.  
  
A blue envelope lay in the drawer, it looked just like the one I had seen Beth stuff into her pocket last Saturday. I quickly looked to check that the door was still locked and then picked it up and turned it over. It had no stamp and must have been posted by hand. As I studied the envelope, I was shocked to find that it had 'Kim' hand-written on the front. I had a sick feeling in my stomach and my fingers trembled, my throat was dry, as I carefully spread the contents across the dressing table.  
  
I picked up a folded piece of paper that had fallen out of the envelope. I carefully unfolded it and read the handwriting that was scribbled inside.  
  
"Kim, here is your ticket. Meet me at the airport at 6am. I know its early but it was the only flight I could get. No need to bring many clothes, we can get you some when we get to Cameron. I'm so glad that I didn't ask Beth to marry me. You were telling the truth all along. Sorry for ever doubting you.  
  
I love you   
  
Jeff xxx"  
  
My eye became blurred once again from tears, but I picked the ticket up from the dressing table and could just about see that the date printed on it was for last Sunday.  
  
I slowly stood up, dropping the ticket to the floor. I was almost paralysed by my anger. This time, Beth would not get away with it, she would pay this time. she had gone to far, she'd not only destroyed my dreams......she'd ruined my life.  
  
I grabbed the envelope, the note and the ticket and stormed down the stairs, prepared for battle.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
I burst through the door of the lounge. My parents were sat on the sofa watching some film and Beth was neatly seated on a chair, directly facing me. By this time, my face was red with fury and my breathing was heavy. My sister looked up from her nails and looked surprised.  
  
"Are you ok?" she asked, her voice more confused than concerned.  
  
I held the envelope up for her to see and her face grew pale, her smile faded.  
  
"You......bitch!" I screamed. My parents looked at me shocked but I carried on. I was too angry and determined to make Beth pay to care what they said or thought. "How could you? I had one chance to be happy and you screwed it up! You're nothing but a stupid, using, selfish BITCH!" I shouted.  
  
Beth's eyes widened. For the first time I saw her looking scared. She was afraid of me and what I might do.  
  
I dived onto the chair where she was sitting and began thrashing at her, hurting her in any way I could. I lashed at her with my hands again and again. All my fear had gone, I had found some kind of courage I had never felt before.....or maybe this was just the power of my love for Jeff. I pulled her hair, hit her face. She screamed and tried to push me off, but, while she was prettier, I was more physically strong and there was nothing she could do. But my parents jumped out of their seats and pulled me away.  
  
"Kim!!!" my mum yelled. "What do you think you're doing?! Get off your sister!!"  
  
My dad held me back and I was still screaming, red in the face.  
  
"I hate her!! I hate her.......she's a bitch!!" I shouted so loudly that my throat hurt with every word I spoke.  
  
Beth was curled up in my mum's arms sobbing. My dad dragged me to my room and threw me in. He sat me down on the bed and paced up and down.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" he shouted.  
  
By now I wasn't feeling so brave and I felt alone and vulnerable. I tried to explain through my tears.  
  
"It was my letter and she...........ruined everything..." I managed.  
  
"I don't care what she did!! We do not use violence to solve problems and if you don't like that you can get out of my house!" he shouted, looking right at me. "For God's sake, Kim!! You're 19 in 2 days!! You should know better!! Now I don't want to hear another peep out of you or else your 19th birthday will be your last in my house!! Understood?!"  
  
I considered standing up for myself and then realised that it was 3 on 1. I had no chance of winning, no matter how strong my argument was, so I nodded, reluctantly.  
  
That night I didn't sleep at all. I thought about my life.....about Beth, and Jeff, my parents, and Jeff, Tanya........and Jeff. He really did love me after all and Beth had kept the letter from me......she had stopped me being happy. I wondered what there was left for me to live for and found nothing except the thought that if I killed myself, Beth would win. I wondered how Jeff felt, and if he thought that I had ignored his letter. I wanted to leave my family, this house, I wanted to escape..........but I had nowhere to go.  
  
~So this is my life.......alone.......sad.......without Jeff.......I can't even contact him........I'll never see him again............~  
  
I lay awake all night, hearing Jeff's voice echo through my head over and over. It usually would have been a happy sound, but now my heart was pierced with each echo, with the knowledge that I would never really hear his voice again, never again feel his lips on mine, or comfort him when he was down.  
  
"I want you...............I need you..............I wanna be with you........promise you'll come with me...."  
  
"I promise," I whispered to myself in the dark, knowing it was a promise I could no longer keep.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
*The next morning*  
  
Having not slept the night before, at 6am I decided enough was enough and tossed the blanket I was lay under onto the floor beside the sofa. I was almost drained of energy as I hadn't eaten much in the past few days and hadn't slept all night. So I made my way to the kitchen and opened the cupboard. There was a whole bag of donuts sitting there and I reached for it. I sat down on a chair in the dining room and placed the bag on the table. I ate each one of the donuts in turn. I figured this was what they called comfort eating.  
  
When I had finished my strange breakfast, I crept up the stairs and into my room. I saw Beth there, fast asleep in my bed. For a moment I looked at her and wished that we were different. She had never really been much of a big sister to me, someone for me to look up to. She had just been someone to look down on me. I sighed, tears in my eyes once again and opened my wardrobe. I pulled out some jogging pants and looked for a T-shirt. I saw a purple long sleeved shirt hanging there. On the back was written 'fear is only a four letter word'. I turned it around..........it was my old Hardy Boyz shirt. I stroked the front of it with my hand gently, thinking that I would somehow be closer to Jeff by doing this. A tear trickled down my cheek as I took it out of the wardrobe.  
  
After I had showered, I put on the jogging pants and the Hardy Boyz shirt, tied my hair back and looked into the bathroom mirror. I looked like sh*t. My skin was pale and pasty and my eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep and plenty of crying. I decided that I wasn't going to see anyone important today anyway. I glanced at my watch.......it was 7am. My family wouldn't be awake for some time. I decided that, even if I couldn't get away forever, I might be able to escape into the fresh air for a while. I struggled to pull my bike out of the shed and climbed onto it. I had only had my arm taken out of plaster a few days ago and I wasn't really supposed to ride my bike but I thought the doctor would never know anyway.  
  
It wasn't a bad morning, but not too good either. The air was cool and the sky was masked with a layer of clouds. I set off on my bike down the road, the wind pushing against me. I picked up more and more speed and the cool air rushed against my skin. I sped into a nearby park. There was no one around so I rode around the path a few times, pedaling faster each time. After a few laps of the park, I became breathless and stopped next to a lake and climbed off the bike. I sat down on the hard ground and looked into the water. A faded image of a sad, lost-looking girl stared back at me with far-away eyes.   
  
~Look at me..........I used to be so different.......so cheerful. Is this what love does to people.......no... Jeff didn't do this.......Beth did..........I'm not even the girl Jeff fell for........I'm.....I'm like a ghost~  
  
Once again I heard Jeff's voice.  
  
"The way you skip down the stairs.......the way the room becomes warmer and lighter when you enter........"  
  
"Not any more......" I whispered to myself, looking at my reflection in the water.  
  
"Kim, what're you doing?!" I heard a voice say.  
  
I turned my head and saw Beth standing there.  
  
"Its 1pm!" she said. "You didn't tell anyone where you were going. We've looked everywhere for you."  
  
I hadn't realised I had been sat there so long. But I was confused.....Beth, looking for me?  
  
"Like you care where I am anyway," I said, standing up. "Well, now you know, I'm still alive so why don't you just go home? I'm sure there are some letters for me you can steal."  
  
Beth gave me a cold look.  
  
"Oh, I see..." she said, grinning. "Still upset that I ruined your little plans are you? Grow up, Kim. What did you think would happen? Did you think he'd whisk you away with him and you'd live happily ever after? Ha! Its over, Kim.....I win."  
  
I walked over to her.  
  
"That's what its about to you, isn't it, Beth? Winning? You couldn't just let me be happy. You couldn't let me have one little thing. You would have never had to see me again...." I said.  
  
"Kim, he was mine.....you took him. Its only fair that I took him away from you," she grinned, knowing I wouldn't dare touch her after my dad's warning.  
  
"I didn't take him from you. He came to me," I replied. "You used him, you cheated on him....you only care about yourself......why am I the only one who sees that?" Having said this, I climbed onto my bike and set off home. Beth was left there in the park, still looking pleased with herself.  
  
~...........Tomorrow is my birthday, and Beth's photo shoot........and I'm without Jeff.......my birthday is about to become a bethday.........is this as good as my life is going to ever be.....~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
*The next day......Sunday......my birthday*  
  
I slept suprisingly well the night before, maybe I was tired from my bike ride and confrontation with Beth. I opened my eyes and looked at the clock. It was 10am. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Just then, my dad walked in. He placed some money on the coffee table.  
  
"There...." he mumbled. "For your birthday.........we're going now, Beth's model thing."  
  
With that, he left and I heard the car leave the driveway. Tanya had told me she was competing in a tennis tournament today and had dropped by to give me a present and card the night before. I'd told her about the whole letter thing and she had listened sympathetically and thoughtfully. I had already opened them. The present was some of my favourite chocolates and a T-shirt that said 'little angel' in silver letters on the front.   
  
"Well....happy birthday, Kim," I sighed as I sat in the empty house.  
  
When I had showered and changed into my new T-shirt and a pair of jeans I heard the some letters fall onto the floor in front of the door. I scooped them up in my hands and looked at them one by one. They were all for my mum or dad......until I came to one which was adressed to 'Kim'.   
  
I dropped all the other envelopes and my heart was pounding. I hurried to the sofa and sat down. I nervously opened the envelope. There was a piece of paper inside. I carefully took it out and placed the empty envelope on the seat of the sofa. I opened the folded piece of paper and something fell out onto my knee. I looked down to see a small gold chain. I picked it up. There was a tiny pendant swinging from it. I looked closer and saw it was a butterfly made up of glittering white diamonds. It looked a little like the one Jeff and I had seen in the garden that day. I clutched it in my hand as I read the note.  
  
"Dear Kim,  
  
I hope you like the present. Remember, I promised I'd get you one some day. I'm sorry that we couldn't be together. I waited at the airport that day but you never showed. I just hope nothing bad happened to you. I think you just changed your mind. Even though you probably have someone else, I will always feel the same way about you, you will always have a place in my heart. Happy 19th birthday, hope we meet again some day, I'll always be waiting for you. If you ever need anything you can call me on the number on the back of this letter.   
Never change for anyone Kim. Remember, I love you for the person you are and always will.  
  
Jeff xxx"  
  
My eyes filled with tears, but for the first time in weeks they were tears of joy. Jeff hadn't forgotten me, or his promise.........even though he thought I had broken mine. I looked again at the chain and fastened it around my neck. Then I flipped over the letter and looked at the number scribbled there.   
  
I slowly walked to the phone and dialled the number, my hands shaking. It rang......and rang.......  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
Eventually a voice answered.  
  
"Hello" it said.   
  
"Er.......hi........" I replied nervously.  
  
"KIM!!" the voice yelled excitedly. "You called!"  
  
"Jeff...." I whispered, barely able to speak.  
  
"You didn't come.......you promised...."  
  
"But the letter.....I didn't get it.....Beth she......"  
  
"I know."  
  
"You know, but....how could you.....?"  
  
"Because I'm close to you Kim, closer than you think."  
  
"What..........?"  
  
Just then there was a knock on the door. My heart stopped. Could it be......? Was it Jeff.......? Closer than I thought...........?  
  
"Wait....I have to get the door..." I told Jeff down the phone.  
  
I walked slowly to the door, my knees so weak I could barely stand. I placed my trembling hand on the handle and pushed it down. I opened the door and looked at the figure stood there...........  
  
"Tanya?!" I said, for the first time in my life disappointed to see my best friend. "But I was hoping you were...never mind."  
  
Tanya looked confused.  
  
"Its good to see you too," she giggled.  
  
"Tanya......I called Jeff, he's on the phone," I told her, smiling for the first time in weeks.  
  
"Really? No way!!" she grinned back. I'll go sit on the sofa. She left for the lounge and I went back to the phone.  
  
"Sorry, Jeff," I said. "Tanya just got here......."  
  
"Aren't you forgetting something......" he interupted.  
  
"What.......?" I asked.  
  
He laughed gently. "You should never leave your door open..."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
I dropped the phone and turned around quickly. There he was, leant in the doorway, a mobile phone held to his ear. He flipped the case shut.  
  
"You never know who's around," he grinned, closing the door behind him.  
  
"Jeff!" I screamed. I was so happy to see him, happier than ever before. He looked so sexy, I couldn't believe that I had lived all this time without him. I just wanted to hold him, I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anything.  
  
I ran into his arms and he held me tight.  
  
"God I missed you, Kim," he whispered into my ear. "I missed you so much. I've waited too long to do this......"  
  
"Do what.....?" I asked.  
  
"This," he replied. He pulled my lips onto his once again and our tongues met. This kiss was more passionate than the first as he massaged my lips with his own. He ran his hands up and down my back and then under my shirt. He began to kiss my neck. I could feel my skin becoming hotter from his touch but then I remembered.  
  
"Jeff........what about Tanya...?" I whispered.  
  
He pulled away and ran his hand over hair, which was tied back.  
  
"Oh......er.....yeah sorry," he said. "I guess I was just real happy to see ya."  
  
"Me too....." I giggled. "We'll pick this up later." I winked at him.  
  
We walked into the lounge and Tanya looked up and grinned.  
  
"I see you got my present then," she beamed at me. "I explained everything to Jeff and he came right over. Just last night, he got the first flight he could."  
  
I was stunned. Tanya had gone to all that trouble fo me?!  
  
"But how did you......" I asked, confused.  
  
Tanya waved a small black book in the air.   
  
"I'm sure Beth wouldn't mind me borrowing her address book," she laughed.  
  
I ran over and hugged her.  
  
"Thank you," I squeaked, sniffing. "Thank you so much."  
  
"Oh, just get your bags and go..." Tanya laughed through her tears. "You gotta go with Jeff now.....we already said goodbye remember..."  
  
"I'll never forget this....I promise," I said.  
  
"Goodbye, Kim......be happy," she smiled. Then she left the house. I watched the door for a minute, not quite believing that this was the last time I would see Tanya walk through that door.  
  
Jeff walked up behind me and slipped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder.  
  
"C'mon.......get your things.....this time I'm not gonna leave without you," he said, kissing my cheek.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
I ran upstairs and threw a few clothes into a sports bag along with my toothbrush, a hairbrush and a few other things. I lifted the bag, which was quite heavy and rushed down the stairs. Jeff took it from me.  
  
"Geez," he said. "This is heavy. Y'know........if I didn't love you so damn much....."  
  
I laughed. "Hey, quit complaining!! It'll be good for your arms!"  
  
He smiled as I scribbled on a piece of paper.  
  
"What's that?" Jeff asked, leaning towards me.  
  
"Its a note," I told him. "For my family."  
  
"I'm leaving with Jeff, have a nice life all of you. Beth, I guess if this is about winning you just lost," he read. "Hmmmm....nice..."  
  
I placed the note on the coffee table, grabbed the money my dad had left for me that morning, and walked to the front door.  
  
"Goodbye," I said quietly as I closed the door behind me for the last time. Jeff was lifting my bag into the back of his rental car. I walked over and he opened the door for me to sit in the passenger seat. I climbed in.  
  
Two hours later we were sat in our plane seats, ready to take off. Jeff put his hand on mine and looked into my eyes.  
  
"Kim, I love you," he said.  
  
"I love you too, Jeff," I said honestly.  
  
He kissed me lightly on the lips then settled back into his seat, putting his arm around me. I put my head on his shoulder and was comforted by the warmth of his body. As I lay there, I felt like I had finally found where I belonged. There were no guarantees that things would work out, but somewhere deep inside my heart I knew we would be together for the rest of our lives. Tomorrow would be a long day, I would have to meet Jeff's dad, his brother, his friends.....it was going to be a little scary. But for now I was happy just to enjoy his company. It still seemed a little wierd and I wasn't sure if I was living my dream, or if this was a dream............I'm still not quite sure now, years later.........but if I am sleeping, please don't let me wake up.  
  
THE END  
  
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End file.
